#9. Great Scene From the Movie "Shoot 'em Up."

Parts of the script. Clive Owen must enter the scene carrying the baby. He must also be carrying a gun. Then woman must run in a different direction. He must drop his gun. He must get hit by a car. He must drop the baby. He must shoot out both windshields. He must remove his seat belt.

Non-script scene decisions. The pun made by Clive Owen at the end. What car Clive Owen drives. What cars the attackers drive. How many attackers there are. What the attackers’ wear. What Clive Owen wears. What the baby wears. What type of guns the attackers use. What type of gun Clive Owen uses.

#8.Political Parties

Rich, superior
Red elephants rule through wealth
The Republicans

Middle class, uncouth
Blue donkeys make change for all
I am Democrat

Proletariat
Red bears and dragons kill eagles
We are Communist

#7. This Soirée is Nut for Everyone!

Hello America! I sure you’ve thought to yourself why do we reward poor people so much? I mean with things like welfare, unemployment benefits and Medicare it’s like an endless holiday! Its time we the Upper Class were rewarded! How about our own holiday! It will be called National Affluent Soirée Day! All the rich people of this great land will gather to together to celebrate . . . our selves! We deserve it! Its hard to be so stuck up and superior all the time! That’s why on May 1st National Affluent Soirée Day we can finally loosen our monocles. Why May 1st you ask? Because that's Mr. Peanut's birthday! He is only the biggest monocle wearing bad ass to ever grow on a plant!

On National Affluent Soirée Day the rich people (those who make over $250,000 a year) get to attend this soirée, drink fine wine, wear monocles and discuss how to keep down that uppity middle class. Speaking of those less affluent, you may be wondering what will they do on this grand day? They will learn their place by being forced to work in our sweatshops. Hopefully this will teach them some work ethic! Welfare can’t solve everything! How will you decorate you say? Paper the walls with money of course! Use at least $100 bills if you don’t have access to $1000 bills as they are for the true elite. The symbol of this great holiday is of course Mr. Peanut! So go nuts people! We can’t be this be this affluent all the time! Oh wait, yes we can! Ha Ha Ha! Mmmmmmmmmm yes!

#6. High on Freedom!

Hello America! Think to your self, who is it that causes all of America’s problems? Is it terrorists? Nope. Communists? Not this time. France? Internationally yes, but this is an issue occurring on the home front. Give up? Of course you do you lazy piece of *#%*! That’s the problem with America, everyone is lazy! Which group embodies this completely? I of course mean - hippies! They just sit around eating because they have the “munchies”! Real Americans don’t get hungry we inhale freedom which is all the nourishment we need! Hippies also constantly fight for the legalization of “medical” marijuana because apparently they all have “glaucoma”! What even is glaucoma? Sounds like something I dip my chips in! They obviously made it up which makes them liars too! That is why I shall create a law that will round up all the hippies in the country and put them on hippie reserves! This will stop them from annoying the general public! No longer will you be hassled by people on the street yelling “You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms!” What does that even mean!?

That is why you should vote for proposition 420 and rid our streets of the hippie menace! We must stop them from producing a new generation of lazy peace loving terrorists!

This is the GOP reminding all Americans to celebrate the big 420! It truly is the American way!

#5. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a . . . Maverick?

This majestic creature is called a maverick. It's a powerful creature much like an elephant that never forgets… to WIN! Whether it’s a fight or an election the maverick always comes out on top. You may be wondering about the maverick’s strange coloration and cape. Well you see, the maverick is… well… a maverick! So it does and dresses how ever it pleases. It doesn't listen to the rest of the animals it just stays the course! The maverick lives mostly in rural areas and likes to have at least eight homes at any one time. Sometimes the maverick wanders out of its rural habitat into a more urban setting. This is where the maverick encounters its main food source, the chameleon donkey. The chameleon donkey is difficult to pin, because it changes constantly. However in the end the maverick gets past all the change and out runs the chameleon donkey, another fine meal for the powerful maverick.

This has been a message from the GOP Wildlife Foundation. That’s right we can care about the environment if we feel like it, we’re just mavericky like that!

#4. A Grand Old Product

New Generation Corporation

Hello all you politicians out there! Aren’t you sick of the new generations asking questions and having “free will”? Wouldn’t it be great if you could create an army of new voters ready to vote exactly how you tell them? Well look no further! Here at New Generation Corporation we have created a new kind of clones we call them Tomorrow’s Obviously Obedient Life-forms or TOOLs for short. We can create you an army of clones indoctrinated with your platform message. They will vote for you without even knowing the name of the other candidate. They are truly the perfect supporters.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking. A bunch of people exactly the same, indoctrinated with extreme political, doesn’t that sound like a communist totalitarian regime? Well, all I can say is . . . shut the hell up! Questions are for communists! Real Americans don’t ask questions! They just vote for whoever seems the most likely to have a neighborhood barbecue and doesn’t spout tons of nonsense he learned in “books”. Ahem. Anyway, a TOOL costs $1,000. You can also buy them in bulk. We offer several packages Gang: $10,000, Mob: $100,000 ,Army: $1,000,000 ,Revolution: Priceless, I mean $10,000,000. Now I know this may seem pricey but it needs to be. These high prices keep our TOOLs out of the hands of the “middle class”.

Remember politicians you better buy fast! The elections are coming up and those ballet boxes aren’t going to stuff themselves!

New Generation Corporation, helping the leaders of today buy the elections of tomorrow.

#3. Scenery to Soothe the Conservative Soul

Look at this scene: Calm, tranquil, republican. Look upon the green grass and trees that give off the vibe of a real winner. Hear the leaves rustle in the wind, like a never ending applause. Smell that fresh air mixed with the faint scent of barbecue, just as heaven would surely smell. Note the lone Bush, standing strong, despite a low gardener approval rating.

Then gaze upon the building standing firm like its owner. The architecture is simple, but elegant. The white roof and brown stucco walls with brick accents - they give off a commanding presence. Feel the rough stucco under your fingers. Tastes the salty stucco on your tongue . . . OK don’t do that!

I'm not trying to corral you into a certain kind of thinking but this place will soon be a great American land mark. You must think property like this, with its combination of natural and architectural beauty, belongs to a great man. You'd be right! It is owned by a true genius, who is Texas tough and isn't afraid to take a vacation even while a whole nation is in crises. Only great Americans deserve to own a ranch such as this.

Now gaze upon the picture as a whole. It clearly makes a strong statement. It just screams "Mission Accomplished. It’s time to barbecue!"

This has been a message from the Republican Landmark Corporation. Preserving our wealth so the lower classes of the future can gaze upon our splendor.

#2.Prepare to be Governated!

Hail to the Governator!

Hello America! I am Arnold Schwarzenegger The Governator! I am here to pump you up! You are all girly men! I see some of you little girls stopped playing with your dolls long enough to make a site about me and my muscles! Well I must say you have chosen a great topic but can you handle the Governator? I think not! It’s Judgment Day because I’m the Last Action Hero and I’m going Commando! Oh and there will be Collateral Damage! What I’m trying to say is, if you want to handle this topic you better start Pumping Iron because you are all girly men!

Then let me say this! Don’t vote for Obama he’s The Villain! The democrats just tell True Lies and will give you a Raw Deal! If you do vote democrat you’ll be Running Man because I'm a Predator and when I catch you it ain’t gonna be no Carnival in Rio! I’m gonna take you out to Beretta’s Island and get rid of you because I’m the Eraser!

This has been The Governator, reminding you all that you are weak girly men!

All Democrats will be Terminated!

(All underlined words are the titles of movies Arnold Schwarzenegger has stared in.)

#1 Terror Alert Level: Fluffy!

For My Fellow Republicans:
As you can see America faces a new threat. While admittedly much cuter than most its still a very deadly one. You see terrorists have found a new ally who are feline ready to fight. These allies are of course - cats! Now I know what you are all thinking "let's find the cats homeland and give it a good hard liberation!". Well, the issue is more complex than that. You see, cats have no homeland they have instead worked themselves deep into our society. They usually congregate in homes of families with children or single women. So because so many homes have cats the only solution is to bomb homes completely at random. The death toll? Massive. The costs? Even greater. The emotional damages? Suck it up you pansy! Do not fear Americans these foolish flimsy felines are futile fodder who can't begin to tear down the fantastic federalist foundations of AMERICA! For any sightings of terrorist cats call 1-800-FelineSuicidal.

For the Kindergartners:
Hello Children! See that cat up there? It looks cute right? WRONG! This cat is a terrorist! Who are terrorists you ask? They are people who hate America mostly because of our great superiority in all things especially fast food and weight per ca pita. So what will these terrorist cats do you ask? They want to go into crowded areas and blow themselves up. Will this hurt anyone no, because they explode with candy! Except by no I mean yes, and by candy I mean flaming pieces of shrapnel that will cause massive casualties. So what do I want from you small children? I am just here to say if you love America you will go home and strangle your cats. Yes I said strangle your cats! The alternative involves a lot of bombs, a lot of homes and a lot of Democrats whining about "collateral damage". So remember children vote Republican or we will all die and communists will piss on our graves. The Republican Party teaching the youth of tomorrow today.

This has been an Announcement from the Republican Party. Fighting for America, Freedom and our Swiss Bank Accounts, but not necessarily in that order.