For My Fellow Republicans:
As you can see America faces a new threat. While admittedly much cuter than most its still a very deadly one. You see terrorists have found a new ally who are feline ready to fight. These allies are of course - cats! Now I know what you are all thinking "let's find the cats homeland and give it a good hard liberation!". Well, the issue is more complex than that. You see, cats have no homeland they have instead worked themselves deep into our society. They usually congregate in homes of families with children or single women. So because so many homes have cats the only solution is to bomb homes completely at random. The death toll? Massive. The costs? Even greater. The emotional damages? Suck it up you pansy! Do not fear Americans these foolish flimsy felines are futile fodder who can't begin to tear down the fantastic federalist foundations of AMERICA! For any sightings of terrorist cats call 1-800-FelineSuicidal.
For the Kindergartners:
Hello Children! See that cat up there? It looks cute right? WRONG! This cat is a terrorist! Who are terrorists you ask? They are people who hate America mostly because of our great superiority in all things especially fast food and weight per ca pita. So what will these terrorist cats do you ask? They want to go into crowded areas and blow themselves up. Will this hurt anyone no, because they explode with candy! Except by no I mean yes, and by candy I mean flaming pieces of shrapnel that will cause massive casualties. So what do I want from you small children? I am just here to say if you love America you will go home and strangle your cats. Yes I said strangle your cats! The alternative involves a lot of bombs, a lot of homes and a lot of Democrats whining about "collateral damage". So remember children vote Republican or we will all die and communists will piss on our graves. The Republican Party teaching the youth of tomorrow today.
This has been an Announcement from the Republican Party. Fighting for America, Freedom and our Swiss Bank Accounts, but not necessarily in that order.
2 comments:
Were I an average citizen -- haha, me being average: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN -- and I was doing average things like not counting my money and not getting injured in banking accidents, I'd probably not be very concerned about threats of terror of the level of threats was "Fluffy."
In fact, I'd relish the idea of something fluffy happening. If I were to walk down the street and a poor person jumps out and they were to say, "I'm going to confront you. This is me confronting you. What would you like to happen next?"
I would ask that they pull a pillow instead of a "gat" or a "blade" because I'd rather get hit with a pillow (mostly because pillow fights are awesome) than get stabbed or shot.
With that logic and fantasy, I'd very much be unafraid of any fluffy things happening in any terror operation.
I had no idea that cats could be so dangerous and explosive, lol. Now I'm going to have to strangle the cats that are in my family so I don't die, and yes of course the democrats are going to be pissed off but what the heck do we care about those moochers comments. Really, who care about violence anyways, the children will have to learn about it someday in there lives, better sooner than later I say. But those dang democratic/communists care they just want to protect the children. Who cares children need to kill all their kitties and destroy them all before we get destroyed by them. Power to you for informing me about the death cats that work for the communists who shoot pieces of fire shrapnull candy. Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease, POWER TO THE REPUBLICANS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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