#5. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a . . . Maverick?

This majestic creature is called a maverick. It's a powerful creature much like an elephant that never forgets… to WIN! Whether it’s a fight or an election the maverick always comes out on top. You may be wondering about the maverick’s strange coloration and cape. Well you see, the maverick is… well… a maverick! So it does and dresses how ever it pleases. It doesn't listen to the rest of the animals it just stays the course! The maverick lives mostly in rural areas and likes to have at least eight homes at any one time. Sometimes the maverick wanders out of its rural habitat into a more urban setting. This is where the maverick encounters its main food source, the chameleon donkey. The chameleon donkey is difficult to pin, because it changes constantly. However in the end the maverick gets past all the change and out runs the chameleon donkey, another fine meal for the powerful maverick.

This has been a message from the GOP Wildlife Foundation. That’s right we can care about the environment if we feel like it, we’re just mavericky like that!

#4. A Grand Old Product

New Generation Corporation

Hello all you politicians out there! Aren’t you sick of the new generations asking questions and having “free will”? Wouldn’t it be great if you could create an army of new voters ready to vote exactly how you tell them? Well look no further! Here at New Generation Corporation we have created a new kind of clones we call them Tomorrow’s Obviously Obedient Life-forms or TOOLs for short. We can create you an army of clones indoctrinated with your platform message. They will vote for you without even knowing the name of the other candidate. They are truly the perfect supporters.

Now I know what some of you may be thinking. A bunch of people exactly the same, indoctrinated with extreme political, doesn’t that sound like a communist totalitarian regime? Well, all I can say is . . . shut the hell up! Questions are for communists! Real Americans don’t ask questions! They just vote for whoever seems the most likely to have a neighborhood barbecue and doesn’t spout tons of nonsense he learned in “books”. Ahem. Anyway, a TOOL costs $1,000. You can also buy them in bulk. We offer several packages Gang: $10,000, Mob: $100,000 ,Army: $1,000,000 ,Revolution: Priceless, I mean $10,000,000. Now I know this may seem pricey but it needs to be. These high prices keep our TOOLs out of the hands of the “middle class”.

Remember politicians you better buy fast! The elections are coming up and those ballet boxes aren’t going to stuff themselves!

New Generation Corporation, helping the leaders of today buy the elections of tomorrow.