Hello America! I sure you’ve thought to yourself why do we reward poor people so much? I mean with things like welfare, unemployment benefits and Medicare it’s like an endless holiday! Its time we the Upper Class were rewarded! How about our own holiday! It will be called National Affluent Soirée Day! All the rich people of this great land will gather to together to celebrate . . . our selves! We deserve it! Its hard to be so stuck up and superior all the time! That’s why on May 1st National Affluent Soirée Day we can finally loosen our monocles. Why May 1st you ask? Because that's Mr. Peanut's birthday! He is only the biggest monocle wearing bad ass to ever grow on a plant!
On National Affluent Soirée Day the rich people (those who make over $250,000 a year) get to attend this soirée, drink fine wine, wear monocles and discuss how to keep down that uppity middle class. Speaking of those less affluent, you may be wondering what will they do on this grand day? They will learn their place by being forced to work in our sweatshops. Hopefully this will teach them some work ethic! Welfare can’t solve everything! How will you decorate you say? Paper the walls with money of course! Use at least $100 bills if you don’t have access to $1000 bills as they are for the true elite. The symbol of this great holiday is of course Mr. Peanut! So go nuts people! We can’t be this be this affluent all the time! Oh wait, yes we can! Ha Ha Ha! Mmmmmmmmmm yes!
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